Hello hello! How are you all my friends? I am back, and it’s been almost a year since my last blog post. Oh, what a year it has been. But I’m so happy to have my laptop in my laps and my fingers typing away on this keyboard and letting my thoughts drift onto the screen. I really have missed blogging. I find it therapeutic and it has become my creative outlet. So, I’ve decided to come back and start blogging regularly again.
So, why have I been gone for so long? Well, it has to do with many things, most of all related to being a new mom. I’ve been feeling isolated, tired, sad, lonely, bored, stressed about what’s going on in the world and overall just not feeling motivated. So, today I thought I’d share with you all how it has been for me this past year being a new mom and living through a global pandemic.
I’m writing these thoughts on Mother’s Day. This has become a day with a whole lot of meaning for me. Mother’s are incredible. They really are. You really don’t know until you become one yourself and realize, wow, I can do all this? I can grow a baby inside of me, I can go through labour and deliver a baby, I can breastfeed that baby and see it grow, I can do everything it takes from me to love that baby, protect that baby and just give all of my time and energy to that baby. I really have been humbled this year. It is my body but it is the brilliance of God. It is so incredible to see what my body has been able to do this past year. I never would have thought or believed I had all of this in me. I’m truly fortunate and blessed to be a mother.
But, boy, has it been a hard year. First, when PS was born, I was in incredible pain. My episiotomy tears burned and I could barely move. Every time my baby breastfed, my nipples hurt so bad I cried each time. And I stressed about EVERY LITTLE THING.
But, it got better. My stitches healed, my nipples healed, and little by little the stress started to change. The stress is always there, but I think you get better and more confidant in handling it.
The anxiety about how to care for my baby and researching how to do every little thing. Giving a bath? I didn’t start giving a bath to my son alone until he was 1 years old. Spitting up milk? I called the nurses help line multiple times shocked to find my son spit up milk. Crying? I called 911 because my son didn’t stop crying for over 30 minutes. And then, when starting solids? I stressed every time he refused food and cheered every time I was able to sneak some into his mouth. Sleep? Oh, sleep is something I could write a whole blog post on (and I will). My body has been in a constant fight or flight mode this past year, and just now my body is starting to calm itself down.
With the global pandemic happening and being in lockdown for over a year, I have felt so lonely and isolated. I just felt stuck at home. Being all alone with your baby (although I also had my mother in law and Gursheel at home with me) it was still boring and lonely. Before your baby starts to walk and talk, they really don’t do much to interact with you. So, I got bored. How can I play with my baby all day at home? There’s only so much we can do, before it becomes repetitive, boring and you long for social interaction. I have missed my sisters and parents so much this past year. My parents and sisters fortunately did come before the pandemic to meet PS, However, not having them around to talk to, share my struggles of being a mom, them not witnessing me being a mom and them not seeing PS growing up his first year was incredibly hard. I have been itching to hug them all again!
But, I did have a lot of love and support. When PS was born, I saw how incredible Gursheel was with him. All the fears I had of taking care of my baby, Gursheel did without thinking twice. I have built an incredible relationship with my mother-in-law and sister-in-law I have never had before. They have watched me become a mother and PS grow and they have been so helpful and supportive. It really takes a village to raise a child. Sharing the journey of being a mom with other moms is amazing. Only moms understand what it truly takes to be a mom.
I am crying writing this post, yet it feels nice writing these thoughts I’ve internalized this past year and putting them out there. So, today on Mother’s Day, I hope you realize what an incredible mom you are, because I am just started to realize it for myself. All mother’s are superstars. They go through each day, taking care of their children as their number one priority, even when they don’t feel so great themselves. They go through the boring days, the tiring days, the days when all their child wants is to be held. They do it all, because it needs to be done. People would say to me “it’s all worth it.” I finally get it. It’s so worth it!